Looking for a girlfriend who isn't a PI (private investigator),
or have girlfriends who are PI's as well,
who doesn't have any bad a** kids,
if two or more children must have the same father,
who can hold it down until I find a job,
who is willing to purchase a vehicle for me so I could look for a job,
who would pay my phone bill and willing to go paperless,
who won't nag when I don't come home for days while I'm out hustling,
or nag when I say "I ain't got it",
who can stand outside the grocery store and sell my demo Cd's on weekends from 9-5pm,
and willing to be a co-signer whenever needed.
Please contact 561-123-4567, please do not leave a message, and if I do contact you and sound like a female, hang up and I'll call you back in about 2 hours.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
"Boyfriend Ad on Craiglist"
Looking for a boyfriend who doesn't cheat,
does what I say,
who has a real job,
takes out the trash,
has dinner prepared for me 3 days a week,
who would love my five kids 12 and under,
who has their own car,
who picks up the tab everytime we eat,
who does the laundry,
and walk the dog,
and who isn't bi,
and doesn't have any uncurable STD's,
and must be willing to go through a backround and credit check, thankyou.
Please contact Mercedes Alexis Bentley Washington at 561-123-4567.
does what I say,
who has a real job,
takes out the trash,
has dinner prepared for me 3 days a week,
who would love my five kids 12 and under,
who has their own car,
who picks up the tab everytime we eat,
who does the laundry,
and walk the dog,
and who isn't bi,
and doesn't have any uncurable STD's,
and must be willing to go through a backround and credit check, thankyou.
Please contact Mercedes Alexis Bentley Washington at 561-123-4567.
Friday, March 11, 2011
"Email Break-Up"
From: Kevin P. <hollatyaboy23@hotmail.com>
To: sexybrown89@yahoo.com
Sent: Mon, January 3, 2011 11:53:23 AM
Subject: Deuces!D
By the time you get this email I'll be long gone out your crazy a** world. But before I do I just wanted to get a few things off my chest. I know you've been wondering for the past few months if I have ever cheated on you. We'll no need to call Maury bit**, the results are in. You asked me, "When I came home late one night, was I really out with some other chick?" Yeah I was, and the reason why I came home so late was because she was teaching a dog new tricks. Next, you wondered was the text messages you saw on my phone was really from my homeboy using my phone to text some of his girls. No, dumba**, it was really Becky, Keisha, and Nicole who I had a threesome with a week ago. And now you can stop acting funny when your home girl come around me because I had some that too. And to your mom's, I bought her some depends so you could put her old a** in a home. And thanks for the down payment on the Impala so I could scoop up my next bit**. Oh, and one more thing I used the money you gave me to pay the light bill to get my sh** out your house. Lights out bit**!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply: Deuces!D
First of all I knew your broke a** wasn't any good anyways. I don't know why I put up with your sorry a** for so long. First of all the reason why I was getting on you so much is so that you can get up off your lazy a** and get a damn job so you can take care of your unborn child. Yes, I'm pregnant! But don't worry, we'll be alright after I cash in my winning lotto ticket that I won yesterday. And just in case your sorry a** try to put me on child support, I'll have my old a** mama cash in for me. And about my homegirl, you might want to get checked out so you can keep that under control. But I'll see you again when I pass you and your bit** in my new Jaguar, bloop,bloop.
To: sexybrown89@yahoo.com
Sent: Mon, January 3, 2011 11:53:23 AM
Subject: Deuces!D
By the time you get this email I'll be long gone out your crazy a** world. But before I do I just wanted to get a few things off my chest. I know you've been wondering for the past few months if I have ever cheated on you. We'll no need to call Maury bit**, the results are in. You asked me, "When I came home late one night, was I really out with some other chick?" Yeah I was, and the reason why I came home so late was because she was teaching a dog new tricks. Next, you wondered was the text messages you saw on my phone was really from my homeboy using my phone to text some of his girls. No, dumba**, it was really Becky, Keisha, and Nicole who I had a threesome with a week ago. And now you can stop acting funny when your home girl come around me because I had some that too. And to your mom's, I bought her some depends so you could put her old a** in a home. And thanks for the down payment on the Impala so I could scoop up my next bit**. Oh, and one more thing I used the money you gave me to pay the light bill to get my sh** out your house. Lights out bit**!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First of all I knew your broke a** wasn't any good anyways. I don't know why I put up with your sorry a** for so long. First of all the reason why I was getting on you so much is so that you can get up off your lazy a** and get a damn job so you can take care of your unborn child. Yes, I'm pregnant! But don't worry, we'll be alright after I cash in my winning lotto ticket that I won yesterday. And just in case your sorry a** try to put me on child support, I'll have my old a** mama cash in for me. And about my homegirl, you might want to get checked out so you can keep that under control. But I'll see you again when I pass you and your bit** in my new Jaguar, bloop,bloop.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
"What You Say!"
My son adores me so much.
Just the other day he said to me,
"Mom, did you know your pretty?"
Before I could reply, he blurted out "Pretty ugly!"
What you say!
One day I went apartment hunting with my best friend.
As we sat down with a leasing agent she asked me where
was I currently living. When I told her, she replied that they were their sister apartments.
Then I said to her "Which one was her sister?"
What you say!
When I was working in a dental office, a patient came in for a second treatment.
Before we started the treatment he told the doctor after the first treatment he had gotten
a prostate infection. The doctor replied," The only way you could have gotten an infection there,
if you have been biting on yourself down there".
"What you say!
I was working the evening shift at my hotel, when a guest approached the front desk
and asked "Excuse me, do you know where I can some good mussels" I looked at him,
a little confused and replied "At the gym."
"What you say!
Just the other day he said to me,
"Mom, did you know your pretty?"
Before I could reply, he blurted out "Pretty ugly!"
What you say!
One day I went apartment hunting with my best friend.
As we sat down with a leasing agent she asked me where
was I currently living. When I told her, she replied that they were their sister apartments.
Then I said to her "Which one was her sister?"
What you say!
When I was working in a dental office, a patient came in for a second treatment.
Before we started the treatment he told the doctor after the first treatment he had gotten
a prostate infection. The doctor replied," The only way you could have gotten an infection there,
if you have been biting on yourself down there".
"What you say!
I was working the evening shift at my hotel, when a guest approached the front desk
and asked "Excuse me, do you know where I can some good mussels" I looked at him,
a little confused and replied "At the gym."
"What you say!
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